I thought I could start everything anew, but no. I thought it would be okay to just put up a tough front. I tried to laugh everything away, be it good or bad, so that I don't have to think so much and be the old me. It's hard to change, but for a better relationships with future people, I think it's worth the change. Though I still felt like dying a million times inside over and over again, but it's ok. The pain is numb. I think the only thing that can kill me now is literally a knife through me.

Anyway, went out with a few of the guys today. It was good to laugh everything away with them. But it's just impossible to go back like how we used to be. I missed those times.

Bye.