So ... finally, I have decided to reopen my blog again. Of course, I kept some posts unpublished, before reopening my blog, so that it will not affect friendships. I only have one reason to open up my blog again, and that is her. I just want to take this chance to let her know how I felt, though I know, this post will not serve any purpose or meaning her. I just hope that she remembers all the memories that we two had together.

So yea. Recently tidied up my room and found all the cards and stuffs that she has given me. I kept it till now because I hope that I would be able to stay tough and fight through the tough times like what was written on those cards. But I wonder if those cards still mean a thing to her. I kept those cards because I'm still holding on and because I hope I still mean a thing to her.

Memories and more memories. Every night as I go to bed, I would just think of her. And every now and then, I would remember all those hurtful words that she said and just cry. Then I would just fall asleep like that and waking up the next day, seeing my pillow wet.

I really don't know where went wrong and how did things came to this state. During MSN conversations, I tried to give in to her. When she was high, I tried to high with her even when I'm feeling extremely low, so that she wouldn't knew that I'm sad. But I'm not one who is good with words, so obviously it usually fail when I tried to high with her. When she is sad, I tried to comfort her. But also as usual, I'm not someone who is good with words and also because I one sad kid myself, I always failed to comfort her. But I just want to let her know, I did try. Not just once. But it is just because I failed.

After that night when you told me how hurtful I was, I reflected. But I still do not know where I went wrong. But I just hope you know, it takes two hands to clap, and the problem does not just lie with me. I wouldn't know what went wrong unless you tell me. I wouldn't know what mixed signals were given unless you tell me. I wouldn't know anything unless you tell me. I'm not one romantic guy.

I know you may think that I'm not sincere enough, or I'm not true in apologising. But other than apologising, I don't know what I can say. Frankly speaking, I still miss you, if not I wouldn't have visited your blog every now and then, take a look at you in school. But I know, even if things do become better, it will never be the same like before.

I want to let you know all these, is because I don't want another night where I cry myself to sleep. I don't want to see you as a stranger anymore. I want to let you know all these, is because I want to talk to you, but I'm just afraid I wouldn't have the ability to take those hurtful words again. I just hope you miss me sometimes. I would have the urge to talk to you everytime you log in to MSN, but I just don't have the courage to face those words you're going to say.

I don't know whether you will be reading this, but I just want to let you know. I know this will not change your mind, but I'm still hoping that it will, for some reasons which I don't know. If you happen to read this, I just hope no negative feelings will come across your mind.

That's all I have to say. At least I let her know how I felt.