Blink of an eye, MYE is here again.

This year is diffrent. Everyone takes more subjects now and the stress is definitely there. Miraculously, this time round, I'm very scared of taking the examinations, because I'm very scared of failing any single subjects. I had the same feeling during last year's EOY. Luckily, I managed to survive that and went to a Double Pure Science class this year. But this time round, I don't think I'll be that lucky. I'm afraid of lagging behind others, probably I should do some serious considerations about dropping some subjects, like A.Maths and HMT. I don't see why I'm not dropping those subjects if I'm already struggling with the others and crying every night just because everytime I do my homework, I feel so stupid for always not being able to solve the questions. I don't understand why I am so stupid. I don't understand why issit that I do my homework everyday and listen in class, but I just don't score as high as those who doesn't do their homework, neither do they listen in class. I really don't understand, maybe it's because I'm just pure stupid.

Sec 3 life and Sec 2 life is very different. To an extend that I'm always comparing these 2 different things together. During Sec 2, we used to play basketball everyday, we get that kind of satisfication while playing basketball, we get that kind of friendship bonds, we get that kind of positive and nice feeling. But during Sec 3, everything is so different. I no longer feel that kind of happiness while playing basketball. I no longer feel that kind of happiness that it's the holidays already. I no longer feel that kind of feeling where I know that someone is always out there looking out for me. I no longer feel all these. Is there something wrong with me? Now, what I feel is loneliness. Even when we play basketball, that kind of wanting-to-give-in-my-everything kind of feeling is not there. When the holidays approaches, there isn't that kind of happy feeling anymore. Cause you know, you will be occupied by studies and especially CCA. I no longer feel that kind of feeling whereby someone is out there looking out for me. Now, everyone seems so busy with their own life to even care about others. No one ain't slowing down their pace to see things clearer, everyone just dash past and move on. I don't know, I just feel this kind of loneliness despite many people around me. Is there something wrong with me, or is it the problems of the others?

CCA. This CCA has got to be the worst CCA ever. Not because of the tough training, not because of the long hours, but because of the people you know through this CCA. You get to know all sorts of people through this CCA, nice people, fat people, skinny people, tall people, short people and more of bitches and bastards. I like this CCA. But I hate this CCA because of the people I'm working with. The selfish act of one person, could just destroy the whole corp that many people had worked hard for, within a second. Just that split second, everything is gone. I really missed the times when we were in Sec 2. Everything was fine, everyone was nice and angelic, everything was so peaceful ... Now, I dread to go to CCA, I dread to see all those people again and I dread to see the corp that I've put so much effort in, being pull down by the selfish act of others. I DREAD CCA.

Friends? What are friends? Someone who cares for you when you're down? Or someone who gives you up, just for their guy/girl? Loyal friends are hard to find, likewise, being one is hard too. At times, I feel that kind of loneliness where everyone is so busy with their girls, that no one cares. I always go to the fitness corner with my little bottle of green tea and just sit down there and think. I think non-stop. I think of the worst case senario where everyone hates me and turn their backs on me. I think of whatever that could happen. I think, I just keep thinking while gulping on my bottle of green tea. With the breeze and quietness you get at the fitness corner, it's the best place to think. When you cry, no one knows. When you smile to yourself like an idiot, no one knows. It's best to be alone.
















But it definitely hurts to be ALONE.